Sigmund Freud’s Madonna-Mistress Complex—also known as the Modonna-Whore Complex—describes a subconscious split in how women are perceived by men and society. As a result, this split often leads to categorisation of women into two distinct roles: the “mistress” and the “Madonna”. In a nutshell, the mistress is a promiscuous woman who—although represents passion and sexual desire—is not respected. However, the Madonna earns an image of virginal purity, worthy of a long-term, committed relationship such a marriage—she is “wifey material.”

When I was with a friend not too long ago, we were speaking about a night out she recently had in our lovely little town of St Andrews. To make a point that will be relevant later—although she is a stunning girl in the most conventional sense—she has dark brown, almost black hair. While confiding in me, she tried to put into words how, oftentimes, nights out can leave her feeling unattractive and undesirable. She didn’t seem to understand why she was never approached despite believing in her beauty and carrying herself with confidence. Her friends were always approached, so why wasn’t she? Diving a bit deeper into her story brought me to ask a simple yet seemingly trivial question: what colour are those girl’s hair? Blonde—of course. Somehow, I expected that.

A study conducted by Swami & Barrett found that—although claiming to view brunettes as the most attractive and their ideal “type”— men significantly approached blonde women more frequently than their supposed preferred group. This raises an interesting question: why do men tend to approach blondes more, despite claiming a preference for brunettes? One possible explanation is that this behaviour correlates with the societal perceptions associated with Freud’s Madonna-Mistress Complex.

The same study shows that men often associate brunettes with intelligence and competence, traits that—while admirable—can also be perceived as intimidating and “too serious” in certain social contexts. In contrast, blondes—despite being stereotyped as less intelligent—are often seen as more approachable, possibly because they are perceived as less likely to reject advances. Now—in a nightclub setting—where the goal is often less about forming intellectual connections and more about casual interactions, these perceptions may subconsciously influence behaviour. When the purpose is a fun hook-up to end the night, men are on the lookout for their “mistress”, not their “Madonna”. Men might subconsciously align themselves with the age-old Madonna-Whore Complex—seeking the “mistress” for a fleeting, fun encounter, a role they may be less likely to associate with brunettes under this theory.

I mean, blondes apparently have more fun, but what if a brunette wants to have some too? Maybe she wants to have a crazy night filled with bad decisions, but it seems her hair colour is influencing her approachability. It is a natural human experience to find reasons as to why you are being left out of something others seem to achieve so easily. As beautiful as I believe my friend is, her feeling ugly or undesirable make sense, despite how untrue it actually is.  

On the flip side, the mistress label can so easily lead to one’s detriment. The perception of blondes as “easy” often leads to oversexualisation, where their individuality gets lost beneath the stereotype of being bimbos or barbies. It’s as if, for some men, the idea that there’s a real person under those golden locks is hard to grasp. This can foster a sense of entitlement—just because she’s blonde and you think she’s interested doesn’t mean she is. Rejection from blondes is also taken less gracefully. With brunettes, the assumption of rejection seems baked into the approach, but blondes? The refusal somehow becomes a game of “hard to get.” Even if a blonde woman just wants to be left alone, the stereotype fuels persistence. A man can get rejected by 100 blondes and still keep chasing, but 1 brunette rejection—somehow—turns them away forever.

On this point, we can see that the influence of the Madonna-Mistress Complex extends beyond the subconscious or immediate dynamics between men and women in heterosexual relationships—it is deeply embedded into society itself. The societal fixation on blonde hair is nothing new, dating back thousands of years to ancient Greece and Rome, where gods and goddesses were often depicted with golden locks. This artistic glorification of blonde hair set a standard that linked it with desirability. Fast forward to today, and that historical reverence has morphed into something more problematic: blonde hair is often hypersexualised in media portrayals, a direct by-product of its long-standing association with the pursuit of male attention, rooted in misogyny.

To preface, this article is by no means an attempt to generalise all men, blondes, or brunettes. Neither is this about opposition; both blondes and brunettes continue to contend with deeply ingrained stereotypes that have their own implications for how they are perceived and treated.  I am simply outlining trends while—simultaneously—attaching potential explanations to them. It’s vital to stress that these stereotypes simplify people, and one’s character cannot be accurately judged by hair colour. Additionally, the subconscious divide between the brunette “Madonna” and the blonde “mistress” is exactly what it is—subconscious. However, while you may dismiss the theory itself, the way these perceptions impact blondes and brunettes is undeniably real. It might just be the only conscious aspect of this entire situation.