As N/A Magazine celebrates a year of thoughtful and impactful commentary, this anniversary invites reflection – not only on the stories we tell, but on how we share them, specifically in a world where our lives are increasingly lived online. This last year has been one of both celebration and loss, with social media amplifying public reactions in ways both connective and unsettling. Performative grief – the public display of grief – is not a modern invention, as seen in the elaborate mourning rituals of the Victorian era. However, social media has turned both personal and collective mourning into yet another tool for algorithmic engagement. Despite death’s constant presence on digital platforms, society remains deeply uncomfortable with the realities of loss, often forcing the idea that public grief is imperative to the healing process, thereby turning grief into a curated spectacle.

For the personal tragedy, social media has turned grief into something that we share publicly, with platforms pushing us to post personal losses for attention. TikTok influencer Aspyn Ovard went viral after consistently posting and updating viewers on her divorce, which was announced alongside the birth of her third child. Beyond the attention, there were financial benefits to her openness, ranging from brand deals to earnings from TikTok’s creator fund. Even for those of us without millions of followers, social media fosters an unspoken pressure to ‘prove’ grief. Posting photos, writing emotional captions, or sharing vulnerable moments have become the modern rituals of mourning, with expectations and rules of mourning periods propagated according to this trend of digital displays. That’s not to say that these acts cannot be personal, but rather, the need to publicly display sadness can feel like an obligation, especially though social norms that equate visibility with validation.

As anthropologist Geoffrey Gorer states, Western societies have become increasingly individualistic, with there being a social expectation of silent suffering; yet, when collective tragedies occur – such as natural disasters or celebrity deaths – social media can turn mourning into a ritual. Whether through reposting photos on Instagram or #RIP trending at number one on X, these depictions of public grief tend to largely sway into the performative. One of the best examples of this phenomenon is #BlackoutTuesday, when social media users attempted to show their solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement through posting black squares. Although originally organized as an attempt to display community support for a movement confronting police brutality, this display was rightfully criticized for drowning out helpful information for activists. As a public display of grief, like many others, it inherently sought to participate in a collective experience, but instead shifted the act of mourning from an authentic experience to a digital ‘checkmark’ of validation. Furthermore, PR campaigns have also been known to exploit public grief, attempting to instrumentalize tragedy to build emotional connections with consumers. For instance, after Prince's death in 2020, Cheerios' Twitter account posted a 'Rest in Peace' message, while of course using a Cheerio to dot the ‘i’.

It is important to note, however, that social media and the digital world can be an important source of genuine connection and support, connecting individuals who have gone through similar tragedies and creating meaningful communities for introspection and human connection. Researchers Rachel King and Pelham Carter also found that virtual expressions of grief permitted the acceptance of death among research participants; the public acknowledgment of a loss enabled attachments with the deceased to be upheld.

As we reflect on the intersection of grief and social media, it becomes clear that, like many debates on the legitimacy of digital platforms, it can both strengthen and weaken. While social media has transformed – and even perverted – mourning into a public act, it also holds the potential to foster genuine connections and support networks that can aid the healing process. As N/A Magazine continues to explore these evolving ethical conversations into the next year, online grief must be approached with mindfulness, embracing it's potential to connect while being wary of its pressures to conform.