Am I proud of the life I have lived, of the person I am? This is a question I have started asking myself regularly, not because I am terminally ill or paranoid about dying suddenly, but because St Andrews has made me question what I value in this life. When I came to this university, I was an extremely grounded individual who knew exactly what I valued: family, friends, love, generosity, and living a life of service dedicated to benefiting others. My family proudly raised me on these morals, and never once did I question them – that is until I came to St Andrews and was surrounded by unimaginable wealth for the first time. 

From the moment I arrived in St Andrews, I was met with questions that left me genuinely stunned. From casual questions like, “Oh, where do you ski in Switzerland?” to the more audacious, “How many houses do you own?”, and my personal favourite, my next-door neighbour in ABH tilting their head and asking condescendingly, “Oh… you don’t have a trust fund?” 

The University of St Andrews is built upon a hierarchy of wealth which breeds unbearable social politics and social climbers, a fact which is inescapable. At times, this phenomenon can feel suffocating: the need to have a table at the right events, to be invited to certain flat parties, to know the right people to get you a summer internship, etc. At first, it is relatively easy to pretend like the hierarchy doesn’t bother you. However, at least for me personally, as my years at St Andrews progress it chips away at me like a woodpecker at a tree. You can only pretend you don’t care for so long. When you hear someone talking about their Oktoberfest table or see their Instagram story in Verbier, you start to wonder: Are they happier than me? Can money really buy happiness?  

Experiencing the social hierarchy of St Andrews firsthand – seeing it, feeling it, and believing in its power – I became obsessed with it. I wanted to be invited to black-tie dinners at Cottage Kitchen, jet off to European cities for exclusive parties, and be part of a secret society. I remember feeling completely crushed after being rejected by Kate Kennedy, especially after making it to the final interview. At the time, I truly believed that membership would bring me fulfillment. I even told my parents, “If I get into Kate Kennedy, my life here will be on easy mode – I’ll have a table at every event.” 

Why? Why was I so determined to be part of a circle that, subconsciously, I knew I didn’t belong to? Furthermore, why did it seem like all my peers had the same goal?  

As human beings we obsess over status because social validation is a human desire, stemming from the notion that being part of an ‘in-group’ means security, resources, and opportunities. In a modern context, specifically St Andrews, this can manifest as knowing the “right” people, being in the “right” clubs, or being associated with wealth and prestige. If everyone else is participating in these experiences, surely they must be gaining some value that I’m not.  

But what happens when we try to get into these small circles purely for status? No value is gained. We are left only with a deeper craving for fulfillment. Often, individuals that are determined to maintain their status obtain their self-worth purely from said status. The people that do care about this, especially in St. Andrews, represent a minute percentage of the population. After seeing behind the curtain, it becomes clear that these social structures are just an illusion. Although it seems being ‘a part of’ will lead to happiness, it leads to a further pursuit of false happiness.  

The purpose of this article isn’t to throw shade at people within these circles – many of these individuals are great human beings. The purpose of this article is redirection, to guide those that do obsess over status to show them that it’s all fake, none of it is real.  

So, how do we feel fulfilled, especially at this school? It’s easier said than done, but it’s all about letting go of external validation. Pursue a purpose that you, and only you, care about. The most fulfilled people I see here are the ones with purpose. Start a band, join a sport, make strong and meaningful friendships, or organize a dinner party for your closest friends. Internal happiness will eclipse external validation by a long shot. You might still feel a twinge of envy when you see an Instagram story from Verbier, but when you think about what makes a moment meaningful, it’s not the location or exclusivity, it’s who you’re with and how present you are in the experience.  

For me personally, meaningful pursuits and connections within the bubble are crucial to staying grounded, but only part of the equation. When the hierarchy of St Andrews feels suffocating, I turn to my family. I am beyond lucky to have such an incredible family, to have grown up around such grounded people. They are my touchstone; they always have been and always will be. I think in St Andrews, surrounded by extravagant wealth and this monetary hierarchy, you have to find your own touchstone outside of the bubble – something to remind you that a world beyond these three streets exists. This is of course easier said than done; I am a third year and still grappling with this dilemma. However, every time I return to St Andrews, I have a slightly stronger moral compass and find myself a little less bothered by trivial comments, like, “I think we have to fire our au pair…she’s left the door unlocked twice now!”  

Looking back on my quote that getting into Kate Kennedy would put my “life on easy mode” makes me chuckle, because my current St Andrews experience is amazing. I have great friends, purpose in the pursuit of my interests, and spontaneous moments, all whilst being outside of the circle. But that’s okay, I have come to accept I’m not in these circles. Maybe the question isn’t whether money buys happiness, but whether the pursuit of status is distracting us from the things that truly matter.