Over the Christmas break, an American friend of mine visited one of her childhood friends at her college. My friend was introduced to her old classmate’s new college friends, one of whom was a tall and handsome boy, immediately ticklingmy friend’s fancy. They went out clubbing and the two exchanged kisses whilst dancing. It was a fun night. However, the fun ended in the early morning at the afters when the boy started love bombing her: pulling her in to sit on his lap, kissing her shoulder, sweetly whispering that she was the most beautiful girl in the world, pulling her rings off to put on his fingers, etc. Whilst she was telling me the story, I felt the ick radiate throughout my whole body. A bit much for a girl you met 24 hours ago, right? My friend was receiving the girlfriend treatment, all after a little smooch in the club. At sunrise, he suggested they go hookup in a bedroom in which another girl was already asleep. Icked out and facing the ethical dilemma of having sex in a room while its owner was sound asleep inside, my friend rejected his proposal. 

She later found out that he, for a lack of a better phrase, is a massive slut. Her story made me wonder: Was all of this just part of his regular routine? Did it normally work? Is this a classic American fuckboy move? Could it be that certain cultural dynamics were at play, making his behavior feel both oddly recognizable and unexpectedly effective? 

I believe there is a massive difference in how fuckboys operate in the UK vs. in America, something which became evident to me as soon as I came to St Andrews. When you are uni age, especially in the States, there’s an expectation to start dating someone, settle down and start planning the wedding. In the UK however, I don’t think this “family-man” mentality is as strong; in comparison to America, the UK has a massive hookup culture. 

 Because of this, I think a boy will do what he needs to do in order to get laid that night. In America, this is giving the girl the idea that the hookup could become something more, that perhaps by hooking up with this boy she might wake up thenext morning with a potential boyfriend, or even husband, next to her. But does he ever become the boyfriend, or will he fuck her and then never call her again once he's gotten what he wants? 

With that being said, I don’t think American girls are completely naive and lack the critical skills to see though a man’s bullshit, and I don’t think men always try to take advantage of the girl’s “American dream fantasy”. Afterall, it’s a two way street of both parties trying to get what they want from the situation. The guys gets to satisfy their needs, and the girlgets to live out her fantasy, even if just for the night. 

In the UK, I believe hookup culture is much more casual and comes with fewer expectations – it is an exchange within a 12-hour timeline. Both parties go in knowing there is no game to play: I’m attracted to you, and you to me, there is probably no future here, but for tonight, we will have fun. This is not to say that girls go in with no intentions in the UK; Ithink more girls than willing to admit do this whole emotionally detached situation as a charade, hoping it will lead to something more.  

At the end of the day, I do think feelings of exploitation will arise in both American and British hookups. So, now I find myself asking: Which would I prefer? Feeling special and loved for a night just to have it all stripped away the next morning, or participating in a mutual exchange – or dare I say – a mutual destruction? 

I cannot personally speak to American hookup culture, but I have definitely participated in the emotionally lacking British hookup culture, and my feelings regarding it have fluctuated greatly during my time at St Andrews. After ending my last relationship, I loved how low the stakes of a hookup could be. However, I do think it becomes tiring after a while; the thrill wears off, guilt starts creeping in, and you begin to reflect on how much you're actually getting out of it and how it makes you feel in the long term.  

Maybe it is a learning curve. For a long while, the carefree hookups felt liberating, but after a while the novelty wore offand I had to consider how I wanted to spend my time and what I wanted for the future – maybe my very “English” way of thinking about the hookup culture is starting to become more American. I think regardless of whichever extreme end of the hookup spectrum you’re on – emotionally lacking British or emotionally committed American – eventually everyone ends up somewhere in the middle.