If by some miracle you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s that time of year. Little hearts fill shop windows, pink and red chocolates spill over the shelves of Tesco, and teddy bears and lingerie are lingering in every corner of our periphery. But whether you’re in love, a tragic situationship, or a state of crush-less boredom, there is one aspect of Valentine's Day that we should all be paying more attention to; while that special day might be coming, chances are – if you’re a straight man in St. Andrews – your partner is not. 

 During a period where women are experiencing power and agency unparalleled to any point in history, a discrepancy still exists in a very important realm: orgasms. The hard truth is that 95% of heterosexual men will always orgasm during sexual activity compared to 33% of heterosexual women. Straight women are coming at an astronomically lower rate than straight men, a statistic so glaring, I wondered whether they even know how good they have it. This study found that heterosexual men will report their partner’s sexual satisfaction as happening more frequently than heterosexual women reported their own orgasms. Therefore, straight men are coming at more than three times the rate that straight women are, and many of them don’t even know it. By now, we’ve all heard of the gender pay gap, but the gender orgasm gap lurks beneath the surface of our societal norms with severe implications. 

Using a sample drawn from a United States cohort of (18+ y/o) women, Herbernick and colleagues found that around 59% of women had faked an orgasm at some point in their lives. Of the two-thirds that reported no longer doing so, many claimed their reasoning to be that they were more comfortable with sex in general and with themselves as a woman. Enveloped in the sexual journey across the gender spectrum is a battle with shame, feelings of humiliation, inferiority or powerlessness in fulfilling one’s own capacities for pleasure. While there are near endless variations of lifestyle and relationships to sex among women, it is almost a universal truth that the more comfortable you are in your own body, the more satisfied you will be in your sex life.  

Regardless, sexuality is a journey that takes a unique path and form in every individual’s life, molded from their personal life experiences and desires. To be sexually satisfied can mean a lot of different things, but for many, an orgasm really is the cream of the crop (no pun intended). Not only does it provide immense pleasure, it also positively contributes to cardiovascular health, pain reduction, and self-esteem. Among women, frequent sexual satisfaction is even being studied to possibly provide improvements to menstrual cramps, discomfort during pregnancy, and even fertility.  

While straight women are in no way the only demographic involved in the O Gap, their experience is the most demonstrative of the ways femininity and female pleasure are not taken seriously in recurrent social discourse, which is ultimately reflected in their relationships. Sexuality, sexual desires, and pleasure-seeking behavior all stem from the most important sexual relationship: the one with yourself. While young boys are encouraged to embrace their sexuality and masculinity from the second they grow a hair on their chest, girls are taught to conceal, subdue and divert their sexual desires; to be ladylike and pure. When sex is a taboo and female pleasure is not discussed freely and positively, how are women expected to advocate for their own orgasms, let alone sexual satisfaction with their partners?  

There is an argument here, but it’s not for the shaming and booing of some men who lack an education (or interest) in female pleasure…that’s for another article. Rather, I argue for the encouragement of sexual communication at a societal level. Without such, many women are robbed of not only the experience, but the long lasting physical and mental benefits of sexual pleasure that extend beyond the interaction itself. But this is about more than the bedroom: in a world where women are empowered to confidently ask for what they want in the intimate confines of conversation with their partner, they will be more prepared to advocate for themselves in their work and social lives. Sexual liberation is more than having sex with who you want, when you want; it’s having sex the way you want to and knowing how to ask for it. Yes, we have come extremely far from the days of arranged marriages and chastity belts, but when it comes to good sex, it can always get better.