It's amazing how colourful human connections can be – we all feel the same thing we call "love", but express that feeling in the most distinctive ways possible. Some say there are five ways people usually express affection, others say we use one of the four attachment styles…the theories are countless. I'm sure there's some truth in them, but I would argue that our questions should not revolve around how others love, but rather why they express it the way they do.

For example, after a lot of introspection, I concluded that I show love through listening and acts of service. I will listen to the same story however many times you need, dissect the situation at hand with you, and really try to remember every detail you say. I will do whatever I can to help you, often going above and beyond what is asked of me. The answer to why I show love in this way is very simple: it’s the way I’ve been taught to love my whole life. Having my parents as an example, I saw how far people who love you are willing to go for you. They will be your shoulder to cry on and your emotional support as long as you need it, and when the time for action comes, they are prepared to turn the world upside down for you. 

Other examples in my life have proven just how unique each person’s love language is. One of my best friends was showered with gifts throughout her childhood, and now I can tell how much she cares about me with her gifts. It doesn’t matter if it's a "this reminded me of you" small gesture, or a big birthday present with carefully thought-out things I never knew I needed (surrounded by my favourite sweets of course). 

Some were, unfortunately, not as lucky as my friend and I. Some childhoods were what you’d consider to be ‘cold’ and ‘empty’. What I noticed about people who grew up in such a way is that they try to make up for everything they didn't have in their early life. An example is my friend with a present mother yet distant father; today, that person is one that will always tell you she loves you and how much you mean to her, making up for every time she wanted to hear that from her dad, but couldn't. She's also always ready to sacrifice her time and money in order to put you first, an action I assume she saw from her mother countless times.

Seeing these different expressions of love made me realize that the way we show affection isn’t just a matter of personality, it’s closely connected to what we were given and what we were missing in our childhood. Even though I only named a few, there are many more ways to express affection – one for each person in this world. What is beautiful about this is that even though two people can be polar opposites when it comes to expressing affection, they can still find a common language. They find a way to enjoy each other’s warmth and tenderness by being completely willing to adjust their own methods and habits, giving what the other person craves and appreciating what they are offered.

If you stop and think about it, you will notice how each individual in your life conveys their love differently: some generously give compliments and affirmations, others invite you wherever they’re going to make sure you feel included. Then there are those who will always tell you the truth while others needlessly sugarcoat it, and others who will show up day or night to be there for you. Some people will take it upon themselves to make your everyday life a little bit easier (even if it’s just carrying your bag or preparing your morning coffee), and some walk you home even on the coldest nights…the list goes on and on. And if we take a moment to understand not just how they love, but why they love that way, we gain a deeper appreciation for the meaning behind their words and actions. Love doesn’t always come in the form we expect, but that doesn’t make it any less real. As Shakespeare wrote, 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.' True love, in all its forms, remains steady – unchanged by circumstance, unshaken by expectation. And when we open our hearts to this understanding, we don’t just recognize love more clearly, we learn to give it in the way it’s needed most.